11 Things I've Learned from 11 Years of Working From Home

I've worked from home since before my daughter was born. 

I started my own business over 15 years ago as a virtual assistant and gradually grew into a boutique digital marketing and social media firm. I love it and wouldn't be anywhere else!

Most days...

But it's the days when I'm trying to be a full time wife, mom and entrepreneur that it can get a bit overwhelming... truth? It's insane! It’s angering! It will try the patience of even the gentlest of souls.

But I'm used to it. I've learned a few things and I've come to terms with my limitations. They'll take me back to the physical world of work kicking and screaming. I love what I do.

Now that we're all on lock down due to the Coronavirus, I see a lot more people trying to work from home.

My heart goes out to you! I've had many years to create the schedules... throw them away and create new ones... then throw those out in favor of something that actually works.

I've had years to train my daughter that mommy is working. 

She doesn’t always listen but at least she knows what ‘that look’ means when she runs into my office talking and I’m on a video chat with a client.

Many of you were sent home and told to get started with no help, no notice and no one who gets what you're trying to do. In fact, many of you don't really get what it means to work from home yet either. 

If you're fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work from home, now is the time to send up a prayer of gratitude and be thankful you have the option to earn money while inside your house. 

For those of us who find ourselves in this fortunate (and yet still potentially insane) position, here's what I know.  

I know panic, I know overwhelm. I know uncertainty. I know what it’s like to try to figure out everything from scratch.

I know what it’s like to invent systems, re-invent, close my eyes, grit my teeth and try again when things don’t work the first time… or the first 40 times…

And here’s another thing I know — you've got this.

You aren't going to do it perfectly but that's ok. No one else is either.

As the prospect of weeks and months loom ahead stuck at home with the kids out of school, I need to tell you it's ok to be overwhelmed. It's ok to be frustrated and it's ok to NOT be perfect at it all. 

Stop and take a breath.

Do you know how to eat an elephant? One bite at a time.

It's with that advice in mind, that I'll share with you a few things I know about working at home with the kids.

1.  Set the bar low.  Lower. Lower. That looks about right. :) We're in the middle of a global pandemic and while many internet moms would have you believe that now is the time to bake cookies, start canning and implement family game night EVERY NIGHT (good for you if you can do it) these things DO NOT have to be on your list of daily activities. Your kids will be fine.

2. Forget home schooling. Can we get real here? This is one of the most stressful times that any of us will have to face. It's ok to give the kids and yourself a break. There are lots of fun and educational activities you could be doing but don't stress about it. They’ll learn far more by watching you, helping you (yes, I use that term loosely) cooking meals with you (even if they are just cereal and sandwiches) and seeing how you interact with them and others each day. Those are life lessons that no school can ever teach as well as you. 

3. Have your children participate in creating the day's schedule. Ask your kids what they want out of each day. Ask what's important to them. From the time my daughter was old enough to talk, I would ask her a very specific question each day... "At the end of today, what will have made you happy?" Then I clarified the question... "When you go to bed tonight, what will you be disappointed about if we don't do it?"  When she was very small she wanted to make sure we played dolls for a little while. Last night she told me she really wanted to play Jenga today. I make sure we fit in the activity she's most excited about. Some days she can choose three things and some days it's only one or two. I make her a part of my day and take her feelings into consideration. She's grown to be much more respectful when I have to turn my focus to work.

4.  Go easy on yourself. "The person who takes the longest to run a marathon, gets the most for their money."  These days aren't about being a gold star mom. Take your time and try to enjoy the little moments along the way. Randomly tell your child you love them... out of the blue for no reason and without warning. Your kids won't remember how perfectly you did everything. They will remember how you handled the stress of it all.

5. Forget reading to your kids. It's been a long day and you're exhausted! You've been pulled in 20 directions and between the job and the housework, you're nowhere near finished. Yes, it's good to read to your kids... even if they are plenty old enough to read to themselves... but some nights you just can't.  Ok, let's face it. During these times there may be lots of nights when you just can't. Choose an audio book! Audible is a great source for audio books and then you can both sit back, relax and enjoy a good story.

6. Take your kids to work with you. Eeeek!!!! I know, I know... this is much harder than it sounds. You'll be surprised that they might actually be interested in what you're doing. They might even teach you a thing or two about the technology.

7. Food, water, love and fresh air. Kids are basically just complicated plants :) My daughter is helping with this post right now (see #6 above) and that’s her comment. Make sure they get a little of each of the basics every day and get some for yourself too. Hunching over your screen for hours at a time and screaming at every little person who makes a noise in your house (and they will make noises) isn’t good for anyone.

8. Take a break and get some time for yourself.  Most people don’t realize how many built in breaks an office job gives you.  When you work from home, there are no breaks. There’s some kind of work waiting for you 24/7… the To Do list is never complete and the job never ends.  Get away from the kids! You heard me… so did my daughter … Get away… go outside… close the office door… kick everyone out for a little while and catch your breath. It’s the best thing you can do for everyone in your household.

9.  Allow your kids “some” screen time. It’s ok not to be so structured about the exact number of minutes they get to be on their phones and tablets.  Obviously, their time needs to be realistic but don’t stress if they get an extra hour today. Life is about balance. Today may be more screen time than you prefer but tomorrow is another day.  Maybe it’s raining today but tomorrow it’s going to be lovely. Roll with it and be reasonable for them and for you. The more structured the schedules you create, the harder it will be to control them and the more pushback you’ll get from the family.

10 Give your kids jobs.  I know… sometimes this is easier said than done.  You give them a job and end up with 20 questions, 50 interruptions and the work still doesn’t get done right. That’s ok too.In a perfect world, you give them a job (dishes, cleaning bathrooms, etc.) and then you inspect the work. You direct them on which tools to use, how to do it exactly right, etc. If you can do it then I highly recommend this method.  Some days you can and some days you can’t. If they are too young or just being stubborn and can’t seem to clean the bathroom, make a bed or do the dishes then this is the perfect time to have them sit in the floor and clean baseboards, wipe down cabinets, clean doors (you heard me). Let them look around the kitchen to see what ingredients you have on hand and decide what dinner will be. Just deciding on dinner can be a complicated task some days.  It’s ok if dinner ends up being a sandwich, a can of soup or a bowl of cereal. They helped. Praise them for the help and move on. 

11. Keep a finger on the pulse of your current situation.  Time will fly! At the end of every day for the past 11 years I’ve asked myself, “Was I a good mom today? When my daughter looks back in 20 years, what will she remember about today?”  Being a good mom doesn’t mean I made gourmet meals and kept a spotless home. It means I talk to my child, I listen and I set boundaries. Remember that you don’t have to be your child’s toy. It isn’t your responsibility to ALWAYS be available to entertain them. Part of being a good mom is teaching them to stand on their own, entertain themselves and “find something to do!”. 

This job isn’t for the faint of heart

Some people make this work at home thing seem like a breeze. Maybe it really is for them and maybe they are just good at catching the right photo moments.

Everything you see on the internet isn’t real so give yourself a break when you see other moms posting the crafts, cookies, fun family walks and other AMAZING activities they seem to share on a daily basis. Chances are they are only sharing the good stuff and not the rest of the chaos. 

We’re living in stressful days. Take a breath and do what’s right for you and your family. Don’t worry about what other people appear to be doing.  Everyone who works from home with kids has children making appearances on their video calls and interrupting phone calls.

Everyone’s dogs bark occasionally too -- just in case you didn’t know :)

We’re all operating under some level of distraction right now and it’s ok.  Just because the morning didn’t go the way you wanted, that doesn’t mean the afternoon won’t be better.  Chin up - you’ve got this.

There’s no award ceremony and no one wins this race. We all have a job to do… some of us have lots of jobs to do.  Prioritize what’s really important to you in the moment and know it’s ok if your priorities change from one hour to the next. 

Stay safe… stay sane.  You’ve got this!

Janice

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